Romana Annette's Profile

I am from the USA and I am a husband who is transsexual, but not going to fully-transition.

What is your name and what is your background?

Romana Annette. I am a programmer/analyst, laid-off for two years now. I am retired with a pension, and I am now on Social Security. I have been married for over 24 years, and my wife is quite supportive. I have no fear about expressing myself in public.

Is your name an alter ego "femme" name - why did you choose that name?

My femme name is not my legal name. Romana is taken from a character on the Dr. Who television series. Annette is taken partly from my website name.

How old are you and how young were you when you first thought about or actually cross-dressed?

I am 62 years old. I cross-dressed briefly age 11 to 12, and then stopped. I started again at age 47.

Where do you buy your clothes?

J.C. Penney (in store and online), Fashion Bug, Burlington Coat.

What leads you to choose the styles you wear?

My wife has rules: age relevant, coordinated, and modest. I like brown, ruddy, black, green, and blue, including floral prints. I do not like anything overly ornate or embellished. When I go to concerts en femme, my wife wants my outfits and shoes to be dressier than my everyday wear.

Do you have one look, or many images?

I only have one look, and one back-up wig. I have actualized this identity, so I do not want to confuse people.

Is make-up and hair important to you and if so how do you achieve your look?

Though I pass in the upper 20%, I do not put a lot of energy into passing, so it is important that all the details look professional. I have had seven make-up lessons, so it is always applied about the same. My wig is an Integra, in a fairly short style that is realistic and flattering, and can be worn all day long.

To what degree do you practice hair removal, and other body feminisation?

I have had seven laser hair removal treatments, which got rid of half my beard. I am in my fourth year of electrolysis to remove the gray whiskers. I had my nose straightened. I plan one more surgery, which will not be GRS. I have had both knees surgically replaced; my surgeon gave me nice-looking knees. However, the household dress code says that no hemlines can be more than 1-1/2 inches above the middle of my knees.

To what degree would you consider permanent hair removal, hormones, surgery?

This question has overlap with a previous question. I take spiranolactone, which will be unnecessary after my next surgery. I will not have GRS. Until the next generation of female hormones arrives, I will take Estroven, but I have not quite reached that point yet.

Who knows you dress?

My wife, my stepdaughter, my grandson, my step-son, my pharmacist, my auto dealers, all of my church congregation, everyone at my Democratic precinct meeting, and endless people here and there, in public.

How often do you dress and if you go out where to?

My current expression ratio is about 55% of the time. I go nearly anywhere in public, any time of the day.

What is a man and what is a woman?

A man is anyone who identifies as such, and a woman is anyone who identities as such, usually, but not necessarily, with correspondence to their underlying chromosomal sex.

What's your definition of feminine?

The concept of feminine can be different in locales, different at Boeing than at a beauty parlor. To me, being feminine is using gender-neutral common sense, wearing dresses and skirts, being relationship-oriented, and not being afraid to show emotion or be vulnerable.

Where do you feel you fit on the transgender spectrum CD TV TS?

I think I am in the largest subgroup: husbands who are transsexual, but are not going to fully-transition. I could be classed as a secondary transsexual. Gender reassignment surgery and facial feminization surgery would be nice, but it is all very expensive, it is emotionally exhausting, and, as a woman, I do not get to do just anything I want to do, anyway.

Are you happy to be called a tranny or a drag queen or does that offend you?

I am sorry, but I do not like being called a tranny or a drag queen. I refer to myself as a transwoman.

To what degree do you feel gender dysphoric (i.e. that your brain is feminine)?

The left-side of my brain seems to be male, while the right-side seems to be female. As a man, it is quite easy for me to do techie stuff, but impossible for me to so socially interactive stuff.

What individual has inspired you most in relation to your TG inclinations?

My wife made me get make-up training, fitted wigs, fitted breast forms, and, most importantly, she insisted that I listen to her and take her advice.

Do you feel you have any choice in your TG thoughts and actions?

I have a choice in how far this will go, and the frequency of expression within a given time period, but this identity is now quite integrated, and it is my means for proper expression in the world.

Have you ever suffered harassment or abuse?

I do not think I have suffered harassment or abuse, rather than a few icy stares at work. My former employer would only let me dress on Halloween, or on company property my own time.

Have you tried to stop?

I only tend to vary the rate of my development. I go slowly, and I never seem to know exactly where I am going until I have taken the steps to get there. I absolutely will not stop being this way, or purge.

Are your sexual preferences changed by your TG experiences (even temporarily)?

I only have sex with my wife. I have a same-gender orientation, which means I am attracted to both genetic women and transwomen.

Have you suffered illness, depression, relationship break ups because of being TG?

I often get depressed, both for being transgendered, and because of genetic heritage. If I get too depressed, my body temperature will go way down.

If you could relive your life without the TG experience would you choose to?

On the contrary, I would have lived it differently, with the transgendered experience earlier on, based on what I know now.

Do you feel that releasing your "gender gift" has released creativity (poetry, music, art) that may otherwise have remained repressed?

I am naturally creative. We go to many symphonies, ballets, operas, and Broadway shows, but it is not clear if this is because I am a transwoman, or if I get to be a transwoman at half of these events. I am a science fiction writer, and switching to a gender-bending genre got me published.

Have you ever performed and if so how did you get into performing and what have you done?

I tried doing a skit at a science fiction convention early on, but I now realize that I am not a performer, except in real-life.

What one piece of advice would you give to someone that has just found they are not the only tranny in the world?

Join a group, get a therapist, and be as honest with yourself as possible. Do not be a woman wanabee; develop actual skills in interacting as a woman. 

You may also have an adlib piece of advice or a story to go into one of these chapters?

The majority of transgendered persons are probably legally married, and the largest subgroup may be husbands who are non-op transsexuals. Not everyone gets a divorce; many of us fight hard to preserve our relationships and our support system.

I am functioning as a non-op transsexual. I refer to myself as a transwoman. I take being a woman very seriously, which means I will model my behavior in a relationship-oriented fashion. I successfully express myself publicly nearly anywhere, any time of the day, both in situations where people know nothing about me, and in situations where people know me.

My wife and I have a same-gender, but opposite-sex marriage. This makes us immune (for the time being) to all those stupid marriage laws the religious right thinks up; however, I am sure that there are a lot of people who would like to prevent us from being married.

There are couples like us everywhere, and Washington State may have the largest number. Here, there are even a lot of couples where the husband has fully-transitioned. We (couples like us) are not likely to be seen on talk shows, because we are living under the radar and need to practice some discretion. This does not mean we are in the closet.

My wife and I go nearly everywhere as girlfriends. Since we are still a male-female couple, I do not think we can be characterized as lesbians. Our relationship has recently moved to a higher level, free of anger and blame. However, this does not mean I can do anything I want, since my wife does have a vote on where this is going.

How long has this been going on and is there a cure?

This has been going on for me since 1989. There is no cure; how do I cure myself of being myself?.

Early experiences … male to female and female to male?

My early experiences, ages 11 to 12, were not very interesting.

Driving and dressing?

I regularly drive long distances en femme. I try to be a safe, courteous driver. So far, I have not been stopped by the police.

Communication networks … virtual friends?

I belong to four online forums. Self support groups & events … real friends I belong to the Seattle Emerald City Transgender Club, Seattle PFLAG, and the Evergreen chapter of Tri-ESS/ .

Mixing and mingling … facing your own prejudices?

I mix in public with people who know all about me, and with people who know nothing about me. It is not my job to explain anything, or be out to strangers.

CD or TV or TG ?

I am a non-transitioning transsexual: a transwoman.

TG community … your extended family or a bitch fest?

My TG community is quite diverse. Since I'm primarily mainstream, I do not have any close friends in the TG community, and I think they view me as a little odd.

The worlds your oyster … opportunities world wide?

I would like to renew marriage vows en femme. For me, any place I go is a good place to express myself.

The future … hopes and predictions ?

Our therapist says I am fifty years ahead of the culture. There is a culture war coming with fundamentalist evangelical Christians.